dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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