I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
there is puke in my bra ... again
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