the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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