how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
