there's paper in my vomit.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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