guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
