Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
