I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
