I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
