Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
