I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
