Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
