At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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