I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
