Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We left an ass print on the piano.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
