weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
