If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This house was built for laser tag.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
