i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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