Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
