I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
