I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
