1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
