So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
