her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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