She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
