We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
