I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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