plz talk dirty to me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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