i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
