Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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