I think im going to throw up on grandma
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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