I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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