Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
