Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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