So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
