saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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