You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
