Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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