My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
