y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
