If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
