dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That accounts for only three of the penises
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
