no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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