Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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