I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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