I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
