At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
