So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
