peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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