Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
