there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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