It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
