grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
