I want to have your abortion
one two three fourrrrnication!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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